She just used a chaser for red wine.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
