I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
