So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I skipped work to stalk him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
