so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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