im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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