The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
