Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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