I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
