I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
