your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
50% drunk capacity currently
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
