Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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