Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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