I heard we made out
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
