Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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