I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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