weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
how does that bad decision feel?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
