My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
