I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
