I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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