have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
