too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
