Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize