you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
