new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
