it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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