I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize