i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
