Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
