tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
