Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
