I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i out mim tonsoeep
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