Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
