You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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