gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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