Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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