i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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