Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
