Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
