Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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