I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Welp...herpes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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