you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
he shaved USA in his pubs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
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