he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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