You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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