Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't notice because vodka
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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