its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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