that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
