btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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