is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
