Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
