I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
