I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
