I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
