apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
