I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
