Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize