I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
