I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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