perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
