Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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