You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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