its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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