How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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