Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
