So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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