i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
