i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
