I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
