whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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