My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
