Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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