is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
