So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
