Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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