Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
