dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
