Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize