we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My day in three words: secret purse cake
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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