Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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