I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize