Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
